I have had to deal with depression, and self harm issues. It was a terrible time for me, and I really didn't see a future for myself at the time. I felt completely helpless.It was hard getting through it, but I think the only way is to get yourself help. Everyone needs help sometimes and it's ok. My advice for other perople stuggling with self harm/depression issues is to speak up about it and ask for help.
Sunday, 9 April 2017
Dealing With Danger... Responsibly
I believe my story is mostly targeted for guys, about learning to deal with danger responsibly. Living in the UAE, we are fortunate enough to be able to call ourselves in absolute safety. We stand close to no risk of being kidnapped, robbed, or beaten up. While this is undoubtedly a blessing for any parents raising their children, for the children themselves – especially teenagers like myself – this absolute lack of danger can be suffocating, challenging us to take risks that defy common sense. My “experience” happened last year, and gave me a glimpse of the reality we are (rightly) shielded from. I was hanging out on the beach relatively late at night with a dozen friends, chatting about life, the universe and everything, when a bunch of 10-year olds came over to annoy us. Finding this really funny, a couple of my friends took to chasing the screaming children away. Turns out, one of them had his big brother just further down the beach with his gang, and told him that he and his friends had been chased by some really creepy guys so can you please oh please go beat them up? After that, things started happening very quickly. The gang in question was around 20 guys roughly our age; either 15, 16 or 17. They were also all in questionable states of intoxication. The air was tense, and everyone was on edge. All my guy friends felt it; they were challenging us, and we wanted to respond, to fight back, to prove ourselves. We still did, half an hour later, as we were frantically catching taxis and going home. But that’s not how it worked out. In the end, one of the girls in our group knew a guy in the other group, and thus nerves were soothed and biceps were un-flexed, as my friends nonchalantly packed our stuff and slipped away. Then we all ran. Afterwards, we all agreed we had achieved the most favourable outcome. We had slipped away without the slightest injury, and now had a good story to tell our other friends. The truth is: When things begin getting dangerous, it’s okay to run away. Don’t let the illusion of grandeur, that desire for danger ruin your life and health. If we had fought that night, we could have come out with broken noses, internal bleeding, broken bones, and possibly injuries to handicap us for years to come. Also, just ignore annoying little kids.
Self-esteem
When I was young I never believed in myself. I never had a positive attitude. Although others around me saw me as a bundle of joy, deep down I would just hide all of my emotions. I hoped all the bad I felt, all the sadness in me would just disentegrate. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. I would drown in my tears over so many different things. One day I saw this girl on Instagram/Twitter & the way she was, was just SO positive & I thought "THAT is how I want to be." So I strived for it. I saw the good in bad situations & I kept my head up high. It took time, it didn't happen right away. But now I can easily see how much I have grown and how strong I have gotten. My advice to you is keep going. It takes time to be comfortable in your own skin & I know that for sure. Give yourself some credit :) You'll be who you want to be eventually. Be comfortable with who you are because once you 100% accept yourself.. IT IS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD. You feel indestructible.
Friendships
Having grown up in a small home over in Portland from when I was 1 year-old to 4 years-old, and then moving over to Beaverton at the age of 5, I didn't necessarily have a lot of connections or friendships that I made or kept. I was isolated heavily, because of my culture. In fact I hadn't fully learned English until the 2nd grade. Not very many people liked us, my family. Going into kindergarten, I had only one friend, out of the 30 or so that were in my class. I tried to talk to others, but it was hard because of the lack of language I knew, and also because of the behavior that grew on me because of not being able to make, and hold, more friendships. Because nobody else wanted to be my friend, I decided that I would very much make it clear, that I don't want to be theirs. So, I misbehaved, I did things to prove my worth, or at least believe, that I'd be proving my worth. When I had the chance, I'd talk badly about others. I'd shove them, hurt them. If somebody had a challenge, I'd take it. I'd just try to make myself look better than everyone else. I never understood how it was, how it truly was, to come by friendships at the time. I just wanted to fit in, so badly. Everyone should stay unique, there's nothing you should ever hate about yourself, and also turn that into hatred towards others. When you look at yourself don't call yourself nothing, look into a mirror, and tell yourself you're strong, and mean it. Believe it. But that does not mean you should ever go around boasting about how strong you are, but instead better yourself and others by trusting in yourself, in your ability, to do things your way.
Friendships and Self Worth
Ever since 6th grade started I've had this image engraved in my mind saying that I have to meet everyone's expectations in order to be make friends. Throughout 7th grade this worked, I forced myself to cope with everyone's ideas and be positive about everything, this got me all the friends in the world, but I was not happy. In 8th grade I started to see the world more realisticly, some of my friends started pushing me away and no matter how hard I tried my 'good' wasn't good enough for them. So I slowy taught myself how to care less about the people who didn't care about me. I gradually became a lot happier as I found who my true friends were without having to fake my personality and do everything they say. I stayed away from 'toxic people'. I still smiled whenever they're around, say hi when they pass me in the halls, I even offer to buy them lunch sometimes but if they continue to push me away that's their problem not mine :)
Frienships
I have struggled with friendship; keeping friends and making new friends in general which caused negative effects on my mental health. My advice is to take the chance to approach someone, don't be afraid because they're just like you when someone approaches you in a friendly way.
Time Management in the IB Program
When I moved into the Diploma Program from MYP, I had absolutely no idea how to manage my time in order to fit in all the extra necessary work hours. Days always felt much too short and I ended up missing out on a lot of sleep, which only made it harder to concentrate. The way I overcame this problem is that I started to use my time consciously. I started planning how I would use my time the day before, and making to do lists, timetables,etc. I used to struggle because I would wait for obstacles to come my way. Be a successful IB student and think ahead, because the IB is like a dinosaur and it will eat you if you don't do your work ahead of time. Another piece of advice is that you should go to bed early - at least 8 hours of sleep is recommended I think. Don't feel the need to finish everything in one night because it'll just make you less focused and motivated the next day.
Family & Illness
Ever since I can remember my grandpa had diabetes so he had to go to the doctor every second day. A few years ago it stared getting bad. Unfortunately he got Alzheimer. So he couldn't remember anything and he unfortunately passed away. I would tell people to help them and support them the whole way through and if they pass away know they are in a better place now
Friends
Lots of my friends are good at excluding me and I know that they don't do it on purpose but it still makes me feel sad. You should not be bothered by how your friends react because most of the time they don't mean it.
Anxiety
I struggled a lot with anxiety and feeling that I "wasn't enough" or "wasn't perfect." My advice for people who struggle with anxiety or negative thoughts is to seek therapy of finding someone (teacher, friend) who can be there for you.
Divorce
My parents separated, it was very hard at first to fully correspond what happened and to this day I still don't really know why. But it took some adjusting to, I got used to it. I started to think positively about it and learned to accept my parents as individuals and to be honest they are happy now and I am too. The change has made me closer to both my parents and I am thankful for my parents everyday.
Moving
My worst experience was when I moved from my country to Abu Dhabi, it was my first time changing schools, and it was very hard for me to get used to such a different environment.
Anxiety :(
For a period of my life I experienced anxiety attacks or panic attacks. Most of the time it was because of school. They went something like this: thought of something that made me nervous (for example a test), I start to hyperventilate, I get pins and needles at my feet and hands, I cry and scream, my head is spinning, feel claustrophobic, basically my body freaks out. The best way to explain it is that people who get anxiety attacks “are like the car in the street, who’s alarm goes off with the smallest gust of wind, whereas all the other cars, take a good beating before their alarms go off.” In moments like these you need to remind yourself that you are okay, your body just does not know how to handle the situation. Most important thing is to focus on your breathing, what I used to do is breath in for four seconds and breath for for eight. You could chose any numbers so long as youre breathing out for double the amount of time you are breathing in. I also liked to fan myself, as weird as that sounds, when youre panicking your body is secreting adrenaline so any movement may use up that adrenaline. Also, always put in your best effort when doing anything. That prevents panic attacks because then you know that you did all that you could and the rest is no longer in your hands. If someone around you experiences a panic attack.. stay calm and be patient, dont be forceful and do not tell them to "relax" or "calm down," instead tell them that it will be over soon, they are strong and it is ok (:
Moving!
Keeping in touch with friends has been very difficult for me due to the many times my family has relocated. I dealt with this by trying to assimilate to the cultural practices of my new locations and giving my old friends the highlights of what i've learnt. It sounds ridiculous but pretending you like a place can actually lead you to like it. This always gave me a lot to chat with my old friends about. It's important to keep communicating as your friends will be missing you as much as you miss them! Stay fresh - a frequent flyer
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